South Africa: Abused men suffer in silence
Abused men suffer in silence
February 26, 2004
By Barbara Cole
They are physically and emotionally battered and bruised and they are victims of domestic violence - and amazingly, they are men.
They get sworn at, starved of food and affection, used as a punching bag and stabbed.
And there are lots of them of all races who are taking a hammering on the home front all over Durban and the surrounding areas.
And "it's a big problem," says Themba Mkhize, a senior counsellor with the relationship experts, the Family and Marriage Society of South Africa (Famsa). "When people talk about domestic violence, they tend to believe it only happens when men abuse women," said Mkhize.
"But our experiences when dealing with couples have proved that there are men who are subjected to violence from their wives and girlfriends. They are the ones beating the men."
And it is not just physical abuse either. Men are also being knocked about psychologically and emotionally.
The problem of abuse against men has been "going on for years" but has remained a closely guarded secret, a taboo subject not to be talked about outside the home.
"Men have just remained silent," said Mkhize.
Said Oasis Crisis Care Organisation director Merle Martin, who has dealt with more than 50 cases over the past year: "I don't think the society is aware of this. Men are too embarrassed to come forward."
But more men are now beginning to come forward to reveal the horrors of their treatment at the hands of their partners, he said.
Generally, when they seek Famsa's help, they merely say they "have this problem", giving some other reason for their visit to counsellors.
Eventually, the real story of their abuse comes out.
And just like abused women, abused men feel guilty, believing they are to blame and that somehow they have done something to deserve their bad treatment.
But why would women turn on their husbands and boyfriends?
"When there's conflict, the wife will resort to other means. Maybe the husband is not dominant; maybe the woman is the stronger partner."
Now a call has gone out to men in abusive relationships to effectively fight back. Famsa and Mkhize want more victims to come forward to "break the silence" and seek help.
A special support group for male victims of domestic violence has been set up at Famsa, with the first meeting planned for March 24 at the organisation's offices at 30 Bulwer Road, Berea, Glenwood.
?? Famsa can be contacted at 031 202 8987 or e-mailed at
famsadbn@mweb.co.za
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